Losing is Fair by Rob Crews

Losing is Fair by Rob Crews

The one thing I must say about losing is that it is fair. That's right -losing is fair. If you lose, that means someone else won. Someone else was better than you or perhaps you beat yourself. If you are a motivated person, the loss can motivate you. Or it can devastate you to the point where you cannot find it within yourself to come back. Losing can teach us how to overcome and how to respond.

Winning is half taught and half learned. Somebody has to teach it, but someone has to also learn it. Everyone is not fortunate enough to have a parent, coach, teacher or mentor who has the ability to teach you how to win. Some of us may have these people in our lives and we choose to ignore the messages their lives are communicating to us. It is easier to conform and be mediocre. It is easier to lose. It is easier to lose consistently. It is easy to be expected to lose and live up to that expectation. But winning is difficult. The difficiulty is in the expectation. The cost of winning is expensive. There are no discounts. You have to pay -full price. This is a great sacrifice for some. For others, it is not perceived as sacrifice -it is simply who they are. Winners love the grind and welcome the climb. Winners need to climb. Winners need the adversity. Winners need to be doubted. Winners need to be the underdog. If winning was easy, true winnners wouldn't even want it. Winners also hang out with winners. For a winnner, it is really difficult to relate to losers. Some people think they are winners and they are not. They just happen to be around some winners, and feel like they are the same, when in fact, they're just groupies. 

So losing is fair because if you lose that means you weren't good enough that day -or that season. Maybe you wanted it, but somebody else wanted it more. As I write this I am feeling as though losers will not understand this and winners will want to read it again. I am speakig to winners because winners will like this and losers won't change. They are losers for a reason. Winners need losers because somebody has to lose in order for us to win. There has to be an opposite. We need cold in order to know what hot is. 

The pressure of a winner is like the new player on the team who has to come in a prove it and then take someone's position. A winner proves it every day. Every damn day! Just because you won yesterday or last season, doesn't make you a winnner. You have to prove it again -and again. There is something to be said about consistency. The process is very necessary -for winning is invisble because it is not always rooted in the outcome or results. Therefore, winning is a mindset -not an outcome. Losers think they are good hitters because they went 4-4. Winners know they are good even when the outcome isn't favorable. Winners are able to bounce back because they know who they are. They know they are not the outcome -they are the process. YOU ARE NOT YOUR OUTCOME, YOU ARE YOUR PROCESS. The problem is we live in a society where outcome is rewarded more than process, so people tend to want to take shortcuts to achieve an outcome, therefore skipping the process. That was deep. You should read that again. 

I teach people how to win for a living. Although I teach it, not everyone learns it. It's not about swings, homeruns, and strikeouts. It is truly about a winning mindset -a process. This is the reason why sports produces so many great athletes on the field but some can be losers off the field. You take her out of their sport and she cannot fucntion in a society. Somebody failed that kid -someone failed terribly. Somebody never showed him how to win. Or perhaps somebody did show him and he didn't want to learn. Nobody ever won without being taught or wanting to learn how to. 

When I step on the field or court, I know there isn't anyone here that has outworked me. I know I am prepared. I don't have to wonder. There is no doubt. There may be somebody who has worked just as hard, but no one has worked harder. There is no way. Can you say that about yourself? In fact, would you bet on yourself? Do you believe in yourself enough to actually put in more time? And by putting in more time, you are actually cutting certain things off. I remember when I used to break up with girls when I was in-season. Some called it mean -I called it focus. But I believed in myself enough to go to extreme focus levels -mainly because I knew what I needed to do to beat my opponent -that opponent being me. 

My Mother showed me how to win and my Father taught me how to think. When you meet a winner's parents, you will know why they win. The losers that come from winning families are the outliers -much like the winners that come from losing environments. This has nothing to do with privilege. Your privilege can be the reason you succeed as much as it can be the reason you consistently lose. Most losers can be predicted early in their life -it is obvious. In my coaching career it has been significantly easier to teach winners because I don't have to work as hard to change mindsets. Losing mindsets are bare minimum athletes. Losers do enough to get by. They never come early or stay late. They only take extra reps when things are going bad. I played against Manny Ramirez in travel baseball. After a game, I saw him take batting practice in the dark with his coach after going 4 for 4. Mindset. Mindset. Mindset. When I coached Pro Softball, I saw many of these women do the same and more. It was then that I realized that great is not a destination -it is an ongoing process. Great is something you are, not something you become. Winners understand this, and losers will never get it. 

The good news is that mindsets can be changed and losers can become winners. It is not easy, but it is possible. In order for a mindset to change, environments must also change. The people you hang out with must change. I won't tell you what comes first. But if you have a certain mindset, there are certain people you would never associate with and there are certain places you just wouldn't go. And there are certain environments you would not be drawn to. Losing is so fair. You can't get mad at being mediocre if you aren't putting in the time. If you don't work harder and smarter, you are supposed to suck. That is just. That is fair. 


Rob Crews

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